You can learn to be
authentic, autonomous & creative…
WHILE being in a connected,
loving relationship.
The
key is to have a healthy, committed bond with yourself!
That’s
difficult if you were raised in an unhealthy family... because your internal
relationship with yourself may be based on self-judgment instead of self-love.
But
you can learn to re-wire your psyche by identifying and controlling the
negative, "menacing" voice inside of you...and replacing IT with a
strong, "mentor" to continually support yourself in a natural,
positive way.
It
will take some “work,” but once you do that…EVERYTHING will fall into place.
You might be confused, disappointed, or frustrated by a sexual issue.
Trapped in old-fashion stereotypical gender roles. Out of touch with your partner.
Overwhelmed by the demands of your relationship.
Misunderstoodand lacking the right communication skills.
Trying to decide if this person is right for you!
Regardless of what is troubling you...most such concerns are totally treatable once you have the courage to ask for help.
When we get really upset with our partner, it is often about
some unresolved issue from our past.
Just learning to recognize this helps put the current conflict in
perspective.
These feelings of anger or pain are usually rooted in
childhood experiences of rejection or mistreatment. But they are no less potent
when we are “triggered.”
Pausing as a couple to take note of what is really going
on…especially together, can not only end the suffering, but actually
deepen the bond, and pave the path
to intimacy.
We tend to seek in our partners someone we recognize as
being able to complete the unfinished business of childhood, and heal its
wounds. The trouble is that this kind of person is likely to possess
very similar characteristics to the person who wounded you in the first place.
After all, the great healing fantasy is that a withdrawn father would one day hug you and hold you close, while listening to
all of your intimate feelings.
Or an overly critical mother would suddenly offer unconditional approval
of you. Or an abusive sibling
would magically stop harassing you, and become your favorite playmate.
The first rush of attraction and love is fueled by the
unconscious hope that we have found someone capable of righting the old
wrongs. And chances are that you
have either found the perfect person to heal those old wounds with…or a carbon
copy of the original trauma. The
opportunity is to either heal and grow closer, or move on from the
relationship.
Listening to Each Other
One of the most valuable skills you can learn (or brush up
on) is how to get inside each other’s point of view and fully understand it and
validate it, without necessarily having to agree. After all, a great deal of
resentment – that giant relationship killer – comes from simply not feeling
heard.
Couple's therapy can help you to learn how to:
* Create a safe place in
which your relationship can flower.
* Communicate
with each other in an honest, non-defensive way.
* Become
your partner's best friend and healer.
* Understand
what triggers your partner's behavior.
* Understand
why you have chosen each other.
* Heal old relationships
and childhood wounds.
* Eliminate
and reduce frustrations.
* Rekindle
romance and passion.
* Expand the
boundaries of your sexual intimacy.
* Rediscover
the joy and the spiritual potential of your relationship.
Make a 
Listening to Each Other
